The Coffee Post – 1

This is a coffee post. It has been semi-commissioned. Semi? Yes. There was a sort of contest on for a “coffee post”. This is my entry. And a very good entry it will be too. I think. No, they said to use “I believe” or “I strongly believe” in that two-day training course I attended recently where they taught me how to stand up straight, open up my palms and speak clearly.

Now coffee looms large in my legend. Not as large as okra, bhindi, if Hindi speaking, northern Indian, but large enough. Earlier this year, however, a crisis developed in my house among the lovely ladies who feed my need for the quicker whipper upper fluid.  In this post, the first post in the series, we shall start by introducing the cast of characters.

We will list these in order of appearance.

Mlle Press

She’s a bit shapeless.

I lie.

She is a cylinder, encased in a peekaboo stainless steel dress. Ooh la la! A little pouty lip and a gracefully curved arm on one side. She comes with her own plunger.

Mlle Press is very French, very sultry. She likes to take it slow and easy. You have to warm her up gently first. While the kettle boils she prefers to raise her temperature in preparation. Once the water is at the right temperature she likes a rinse before being powdered. Only then will she accept the water from the kettle.

Finally, she will sit, wallowing in the brown fluid, seeping and immersing. When it’s time to plunge into her depths, an unseen force compels you to use a gentle, but insistent, hand.

All in all, C’est août à Paris.

La Signorina Caffettiera a Filtro

Oh, this is a fiery one! She likes to build up a head of steam, she does.

She’s as shapely as Mlle Press is cylindrical. A perfect hourglass figure topped with a mouth that smokes and bubbles when she’s going strong.

La Signorina is high maintenance. She likes to be taken apart and completely stripped down for a shower. She needs that unabashed, full on shower between performances. Do not, ever, use soap. She hates soap. Fresh clean water is all she needs. Once in a while a steam with a mix of water and vinegar refreshes her and brings back the shine to her appearance.

And then there is


This one is a cosmopolitan citizen of the world. She’s big and boxy and chunky. But oh my, is she ever versatile! She comes with assorted flaps and doors and complicated machinery. She’s that neo-hippy woman, choosing to grind her own powders. She too can bring up steam but on demand. Unlike the fiery Signorina, Syntia is refined, cool to the touch always.

She asks for little, gives a lot in return. Frothy heads of milky foam? Check. Dark and strong espresso? Check. Regular American style coffee? Check. Syntia is all gleaming efficiency. She asks only that once in a while you give her a through clean and even then she walks you through the process. Syntia is the Head Girl. With her efficiency and cool demeanour she is the natural leader.

Actually, before Mlle Press came into my life there was another drippy piece of work. But she was sloppy, required far too much attention and was generally not a responsible citizen, chewing through paper at a good clip. This story isn’t about her.

In the next episode, the crisis will unfold….

< dramatic chords. Cut to commercial >

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This Post Has 6 Comments

    1. TheLastWord

      Thank you! Once I started it was hard to stop 😉